This article was submitted to Ergo by Anjanesh Vatsa, a first-year student of the WBNUJS. A movie buff, he writes blogs and poems in both Hindi and English & has a sort of habit where I can go on for hours if it comes to defending my interests and opinions.
There were more than a few expectations from the much awaited college life. Labelled as one of the best phases of one`s journey towards self discovery, it was a lesson as to how to adapt and improvise in a diverse, self loathing, narcissistic environment. Well, this lesson came too late as the first few months of this phase passed with constant push to create a image for yourself, an image not true to yourself. An image which is superficial, a facade to hide the actual emotional turmoil you have been going through to adapt to this new life you have been exposed to. Emulating people whose way of living are against the true sense of your philosophies. A constant push to be social enough to not be sidelined in this place where to climb up the social ladder you need to portray yourself to be very different, which indeed conflicts with your ideologies.
It took me sometime to realize all this and understand what exactly happiness is and the source of it. The first few weeks were a emotional turmoil in the sense I experienced something I never had experienced in my life. It was a time where to overcome it I had to resort to the things I pretty much stood against for all my life. I was introduced to this new feeling of rejection. It was as bad as it sounds and I didn’t know how to face it. There came a time when I was apoplectic at the very idea of my being, I was trying to hold on to the last shred of ambitions I had which became scarce in those few weeks. Reluctant to accept the fact my addictions took control of me and it still controls me to some extent even now.
I started getting back on the track, I started meeting new people making acquaintances which sort of introduced me to a bunch of people who were so self indulgent that they spent most of the time trying to be liked among people and survive by feeding on other people`s weakness. All this led to a lot of people becoming deviant trying to settle with these social philosophies which overshadowed their natural way of conduct. The feelings of attachment, community, support never existed in this environment, all that existed was a bunch of self serving people. While making acquaintance with new people I came to meet a few good people too and as I was used to doing, I became severely attached to them instantly not realizing that they might not value this as much as I do. This attachment comes from trust which I was used to do easily because of the way and place I was brought up in. I was like the frog who lived all his life in the well and thought that is how the whole world is but as soon as it came out of the well he didn’t have any idea as to how to adapt.
This was life`s way of showing me the ropes. Well, it succeeded in doing so and the last few weeks of the first semester were pretty good compared to the debacle, which the first few weeks of the semester were. Participation in various activities, project deadlines, outings and random late night conversations with friends kept me occupied and the semester passed in a flash. I have now learned not to give a shit about things which don`t concern me. I am still pretty rigid on the point of making good friends even after a lot of experiences asking me not to. There is one more semester coming to tell me if I was right in doing so or not. It was a good experience and all this has just started as there is still four and a half years left of this journey. A journey which might be better than the journey I have had till now. A journey with less of complaints, realizations and people and more of work, achievements and friends which was thoroughly lacking in the first semester.
Authors Note: The Author would like to thank Rohit Dhalaria and Arindum Nayak for the help they provided in writing this.
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